I Want You To Live, Sis
by dipdipdipmyblueship
Summary: Takes place during a pivotal scene in Carla's standalone episode, which aired on May 31st 2019 in the UK. Do not read if you have yet to watch it. Rated M as it contains potentially triggering subject matter.


_**A/N: For those who have not watched Carla's standalone episode, that aired on May 31st in the UK, please do not read any further if you do not want to be spoiled.**_  
_**A one shot based on that pivotal scene on the fire escape...**_

* * *

"Hey? It's only me," his soft voice floated above the sounds of her cries, "Carla?" she felt his hand gently grasp her elbow and she breathed in shock, turning to face the voice she longed to hear, "everything's going to be okay..." he assured her.

She couldn't believe he came for her, a smile tugging at her lips as she rose to her feet and clutched onto him, genuinely laughing as she grasped his stubbled face between her shaking hands, "Aidan!" She gasped happily,

"Carla, I'm not..." he whispered but she cut him off

"Oh my kind, brave, beautiful boy!" her vision was blurred from the tears that gushed from her eyes; and though her fingers continuously brushed the facial hair on his cheeks and chin, wondering when it had grown longer than when she last saw him, she knew in her heart it was him; her Aidan.

"Oh, I love you so much!" she said as his blue-grey eyes, looking almost familiarly brown in her misty, unfocused gaze, questioningly surveyed her with a mix of confusion and despair.

She knew why, of course. She never told him enough in the past. She never told him how much she loved him even though she had only known he was her brother for a few short years. As she continued to lovingly smile at him, she hoped he would understand just how much he meant to her. How much it meant that he was here for her to tell him...

_...one last time._

She saw his eyes soften, his hand coming up to cup her face before he whispered back, "I love you, too."

Her smile dropped, her eyes losing the light that had flickered behind them and his hand dropped back to his side, "you shouldn't," she warned him,"I'm evil." Her eyes again fell to where her fingers continued to stroke his face and beard, confusion overpowering her for a brief moment, as a horrific realization danced across her glazed vision, telling her that while the face she held between her hands felt so familiar to her, it was not belonging to the man she saw before her. She quickly blinked it away as a trick her mind was playing on her. No, it had to be Aidan; she could feel him beneath her fingertips as he shook his head at her, heartache spreading across his loving gaze, and in that moment she knew - she knew she had to tell him. She had to tell him before _they_ did, "I killed Rana," she breathed out, "Aidan, I killed her..." her eyes dropped to his lips, waiting for him to verify it, just like Rana had done minutes earlier...

"No," he whispered, shaking his head, "it was an accident,"

Her eyes drifted back to his, a sob escaping her lips, and she brokenly asked the question she already knew the answer to, "Am I a waste of the kidney you gave me?"

She saw the heartbreak behind his eyes, "Of course not," he choked out, "why would you say that?" he asked and she felt her heart swell for a brief moment. He loved her. He didn't regret giving her a second chance at life. He wasn't ashamed of her.

_'That's because he doesn't really know the real you'... _she reminded herself

"Because I'm," she gritted out painfully,

_'You're a murdering bitch...' _Kate's voice echoed in her ears

"I'm rotten," she answered honestly, "I'm rotten to the core," she sobbed

"No you're not," he assured her

"Bad head, bad person," she shook her head; she had to make him see... "bad heart,"

"No," he protested softly

"Yeah," she responded, sobbing quietly as her eyes continued to flit back between where her fingers lovingly grasped his face and his eyes, desperately wanting him to understand, "and I've got to go..." she whispered.

She saw the uncertainty etch across his face, the fear that began to rise up in him beneath her hands.

She pulled his face towards her, placing a loving kiss on his cheek, pausing for a moment as confusion once again marred her fuzzy brain, causing her to doubt for another second that this was not her brother, before she pulled back softly, gazing upon him one final time.

Quickly turning her body, her hands grasped the railing and she hauled herself up swiftly, her body preparing to launch itself up and over the bar and onto the cobbled stones below and end the torment she believed she was causing her loved ones, and the horrors that cascaded through her guilt-ridden mind once and for all.

But she was halted mid-climb. He was too quick for her. His arms were around her waist in an instant, his grip both restricting her movement and winding her as she felt the air forcefully sucked out of her lungs.

She could hear a gasp faintly from below, but it was the soft voice coming from the face that pressed itself into her back that rang loudly in her ears,

"No," Aidan whispered pleadingly.

As air made its way back through her body, she tried once more to pull away from him. He didn't understand: she had to end the rottenness that festered inside her once and for all...

But his arms were strong around her body. She felt her body trembling within his grip, her eyes now focusing on the people that stood beneath her on the street...the pained and frightened faces of Johnny, Kate, Michelle, and Roy...

...Her family...

She heard Aidan's voice pulse through her mind, "_I want you to live, sis..._"

She struggled to breathe, her leg shaking on the rail below as he begged her again, "Carla, no..."

She exhaled in temporary relief before a sob escaped from her lips, and she slowly lowered herself from the rail.

She couldn't leave him now.

Aidan had saved her once more.

But as she turned to face him, she was bewildered to discover that the arms that held her were no longer Aidan's, but Peter's. Confusion etched her features again, as tears pooled in his eyes, "it's okay," he whispered lovingly

"Peter?" she gasped, and he nodded as she finally recognized him, "Rana's dead!" she cried as she finally came to grips with the truth,

"Don't! Come on, come here-" he pulled her into him

"Yeah, I killed her! I killed her!" she sobbed, as he held her shaking body tightly to his own; tears streaming down his face as his tormented ex-wife broke down in his arms.

"It was an accident," he tried to assure her, swaying her soothingly back and forth, holding her as though she would break if he let her go.

But she continued to cry in anguish. She had believed it was all a horrible trick. She had desperately wanted Rana to be alive and tormenting her...the pain so much easier to handle then the guilt of knowing she had been the cause of her death.

"Oh, Peter, I killed her!" She felt her soul ripping in two, a pain she hadn't felt since the day the roof collapsed, as all the memories came rushing back; overpowering her as she felt her body crumbling

Peter pulled back from her, his hands cupping her face, pleading with her to understand his words, and he pressed his forehead into hers, "It's a terrible accident," he told her

She couldn't hear him, "I killed her," she repeated as she burst into uncontrollable sobs

"It wasn't your fault," he tried to assure her. But as she continued to break down before him, her head falling forward onto his shoulder, he simply tried to console her, "it's okay, shhh" he whispered his hands pulling her shaking body as close to him as he could, feeling her hands wrap around him seconds later, her fingers digging into back as if trying to draw strength from him.

And in that brief moment, she finally felt safe...


End file.
